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soccergurly521
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Name: Jacqueline
Country: United States
State: Washington
Metro: Tacoma
Birthday: 2/3/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Instant Messaging * Talking * Soccer * Shopping * Computers * Graphic Designing * Music * Lyrics * Friends * Hanging Out
Expertise: Computers * Soccer * Advice * DREU
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  Jocky 55
Member Since:
4/29/2004
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so after almost a year;;
what's there to say?
except for the things
that have already been said
time and time again...
&so i'll leave you with the better posts
.the happier ones.
and maybe the only ones written
that were ever worth reading.
Goodbye, Xanga
 always,
Jacqueline Jocky
reach me at ;; myspace | | |
| Hi. This is me, Jacqueline.
I over analyze everyone and everything.
I would like to tell people things, but I am not listened to. Or feel
as if I'm not. I contradict myself constantly. I let things get to me.
Individually they are insignificant, but after a while it becomes too
much and I end up wallowing in self pity to the point of tears. My
first cd was Backstreet Boys. I did volunteer work because I wanted
something to be proud of. Something people will give me recognition
for. I get up at 5:10 every morning, only to have 10 minutes of free
time later. Wake up 10 minutes later you say? Doesn't work. My body is
set to get up at that time. If I don't, I stay in a continuous deep
sleep. The bump on my left cheek is a birth mark. Not so noticeable
now. I wouldn't know what to do if I was in a relationship. I
have the feeling I'd be either too clingy (from being able to finally
having someone to tell stuff to), or too distant (out of fear for
losing the person from being too clingy). The scar on the inside of my
bottom lip is from a fall in preschool. I make snap judgments about
people and things, sometimes they're right, sometimes wrong. I jump to
conclusions. Alot. Many people piss me off. I just can't understand
them. I have a very clear cut approach to most things. Here's a
problem, here's how to fix it. I hold grudges. I want to change the
world. The only time I can truly be bored is when I am in an
uncomfortable situation. I don't need much food, sleep, or hygene to
live. I know I would be able to survive in a Depression-like society.
As much as I'd like to say I'm my own person, I do follow the pack. As
many others do. Evidenced by clothing, music, sports.. Victoria is the
only one that I am always on the same wavelength with. I am the
cautious one. Very in tune with morality. I want to break away from
reputation and do things for me. I don't think it's right for seniors
to drink and smoke in front of lower classmen. Vandalism and stealing
are two things that really bother me. Especially small businesses.
There is a higher power, as to what it is, I don't know. I dislike
those that attend church regularly and spend the rest of the week in
sin. Don't betray yourself. I am extremely perverted. I am prone to
long lasting crushes that don't go anywhere. I get charlie horses in my
left calf a lot. Society would be better and more prepared if we were
taught basic fundamentals when we were young. Compassion, tolerance,
and common courtesy. I am a grammar and spelling nazi. People should
use capitals, and the correct punctuation. I get really annoyed by
"wiggers", and those who talk in such a high level of slang, it's not
even comprehensible. I then, just tune them out. I know nothing of
politics, and when the subject is brought up I find myself without a
feasible opinion. But then again, I have no reason to care, nothing I
may think can affect it. I hate people that purposely disrespect
authority. I hate when people do stupid shit just to impress their
friends. I am a pack rat. I'm a loner. I don't like change. I get
jealous easily. I cuss a lot. I hate how people have labels for
everyone, and dont even try to be-friend someone because of that. I
hate how people categorize me as a prep. One day I wish someone would
tell me everything. I yearn for the truth. I have over 150 buddies on
my list, but I talk to less than 10 of them. I've lost touch with a lot
of people. I don't like my name because it's always seemed a little too
formal. I like it when someone can give an opinion on what a poem was
intended to mean. I eat meat. I have no intentions of now, or ever,
going vegetarian. If cows and pigs were meant to stay alive, they
wouldn't taste so good. I think the Atkins diet is ridiculous. I think
homosexuals should be allowed to marry each other. If they're in love,
let them be. I have a bad habit of chewing the skin on the inside of my
mouth, or my lip. I express a quarter of what I'm really thinking or
feeling. Educated people are the most socially impaired people I know
of. I think too much, as evidenced by my quixotic staring into pure
nothingness. I'm amused by many simple things. Stars, the moon, 11:11,
Konstantine, Peter Pan. I wish I could play the piano expertly. When
people look at me, I feel like they're assessing my appearance, giving
me some low score on a 1-10 scale. I wear the same 10 clothing items
because I don't like the way other ones fit me. I constantly wonder how
people categorize me. Nice, rude, selfish, ugly, unimpressive.. I care
what other people think. Not all other people, just the ones I
admire for whatever reasons. I question my purpose in high
school. I question what effects I have on others. Negative?
Positive? None at all? I think I'm someone who people find easily
forgettable or simply just don't care about. I love to people
watch. Sometimes I could look at a person and tell you their
story. If my face isn't washed I don't feel clean. I am influenced by
infomercials and would probably buy everything I see on TV if I could
afford it. I value friendships but somehow do not find myself in very
many of them. I dislike flies, mosquitoes, spiders, snakes, and bees. I
can never find jeans that fit me so I have 5 pairs of the same American
Eagle "Madeline" stretch low rise jeans. I make big deals out of little
things. I find my style too simple and wish I was a rich teen on the OC
so I could buy clothes that fit my personality. Without music, I would
be emotionally unstable. I put on a front. If I am quiet, I am
questioning something. If I am loud, I'm searching for acceptance. I
know who I am but find it hard to express. If I could sing I would move
to California in search of stardom. I love the rock star lifestyle. I
love to read. I desperately want to be somebody incredibly important to
the world's survival, but at the same time I want to completely
disregard it. I always wish to think outside of the box. I often wonder
what's so special about life. I often wonder what's so special about
death. I've never been late for class, and I've only skipped once on
the last few days of school. I have a journal under my mattress, and a
private LJ that I write everything in. I will never be able
to understand how a person can hurt someone they say they care
about. I have uncontrollable outbursts. Technically they're not
really outbursts, usually what I'm truly thinking about the situation
at hand. I have a lot to say, but trail off because I'm thinking about
other things besides what I'm saying, doing, writing..... | | |
| ;;how do you do it? make me feel like nothing else matters. like nothing ever did, or will. except for what's going on now. which is just perfect.<33.thanks
;;Urgh.. it sucks coming back to reality.
;;Anywho, pics from Blake's birthday::
^ Aamanda and half of Brice.
^ Aamanda and half of Brice.
^ Blake the birthday boy and his cakes.
^ Blake making his mouth look like a vagina.. he got better at it. lmao.
^ Blake.. shaking his head back and forth? Kevin and Vince behind.
^ Blakes pretty backyard. Lake time..
^ Brice's funny face. Half of Vince's head. Wolfie's hand and celly.
^ Left to Right.. Vince, Wolfie, Kerri, Aamanda, Kevin, Blake.
^ Left to Right.. Scotty, Kerri, Kevin, Vince.
^ Left to Right.. Scotty, Me, Vince, Wolfie, Kerri, Aamanda, Kevin, Blake.
^ Trenell and Me.
^ BLAKE LOOK OUT!!!!!! Kevin and Blake.
^ Kelsie and Kerri. Pick up Sticks.
^ Kevin and Vince. That's gonna leave a mark..
^ Bottom Row Left to Right. Trenell, Scotty, Wolfie, Vince.
Middle Row Left to Right. Blake, Me, Kevin.
Top. Kerri, Behind her Kelsie and Brice.
Off to side. Aamanda.
^ Bottom Row Left to Right. Trenell, Scotty, Wolfie, Vince.
Middle Row Left to Right. Blake, Me, Kevin, Kerri off to side.
Background Left to Right. Aamanda, Kelsie, Brice.
^ Bottom Row Left to Right. Scotty, Kevin, Wolfie, Vince.
Middle Row Left to Right. Blake, Me. Brice.
Top Left to Right: Aamanda, Kerri.
^ Scotty[doesnt know]... getting ready to box.
^ Vince. Washington Axe Massacre.
^ Me, Vince, and his Ginormous green penis. What was I looking at..?
^ Wolfie doing his dance, and Trenell.
^ Wolfie Gone Wild. Pole dancer!
;;If anyone wants any of the pics in the bigger size, IM me and I'll send you 'em.
Jocky. | | |
| There are two sides to every person, a day person, and a night person. How so?
Who you are in the day is how you want others to see you. You put aside all your flaws, and put your best face forward for the world to see. You try your hardest to become flawless - perfect - to gain the approval of your peers. It's all an act that you have perfected over years of practice. Countless hours of planning your perfection.. or atleast the perfection you want others to see. You feel as if you have to keep your guard up, or others might see you for the faults you have- for the faults that everyone has but hides.
But then at night, when the lights fade, the noise is softer, and your schedule stops- you have time. More time then you want, or know what to do with. There are no distractions, just your mind left with nothing but itself, free to float through memories, better ones, and the ones that still haunt you. At night you have nothing to keep you from those things that you've spent all day avoiding, almost blocking yourself from, because your mask has been removed. You're then hit right square in the eyes with your fears, haunting memories, flaws, and just reality itself. There's nothing there to hide behind. No mask you have to put on. You have no one to impress, no one to put your best face forward for. All is quiet, and still, and in the silence you get a chance to deal with those things. The hurts bring forth tears, and the fears give you a reason to curl around your pillow and cry all the more harder. You have so many doubts running through your mind of choices you've made (or the ones you didn't but should have) who you truly are, your past, and where you're headed. It's all so overwhelming.
And thats why- in the daylight, you put on that mask and become who you've always wanted to be. No flaws, just.. your pretended perfection.
But when you're left with all those bad sides of your life, the imperfections, and when you're in the dark alone- that's who you really are. Isn't it sad how we feel the need to put on that mask and pretend we are who we're not? | | |
| [[My Heads Bobbin To]] Deftones- My Own Summer
[[The Mood Ring Says ]] Happy
I think too much. I really do. I over analyze things. Which in some cases can be a good thing...but with me, I think about things way too much. I end up realizing things about myself, that I wish I didn't know. I'm not as brave as I hoped I was. I really am scared of quite a few things. Scared of losing friends. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of screwing things up. Scared of loosing things dear to me/important to me. I dunno. I guess everyone has those fears..
Maybe its just summer tho. It really makes you appreciate the things you have. You realize that not everything is always going to be there. During the school year you see your friends every single day, and almost all day depending on schedules. It's a lot easier to hang out and make plans. After a while you might get tired of 'em.. but once summer comes and you dont see or talk to them for days or weeks at a time you definately start missing them, and realizing who your true friends are and that they're the ones worth missing.
Randomness coming up in 3.. 2..1..
I suppose the best way to put it, is.. schools' like the ocean.. and the waves are your friends. The ocean is always there, and so are the waves. But the waves come and go, crash and fall, and disappear and you have to enjoy them while they're there. Like if your surfing, you wait all day till the big wave comes.. and when it does you hold onto it and enjoy it then 'cause you might not get another like it. After a while tho another one will come but you just have to wait.
"..the rising tide will not let you forget me.."
Yeah, so there's to me over analyzing stuff..
Later,
<3 Jocky
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